Thursday 4 September 2014

Impossipuzzles


"You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place."  Miriam Adeney

 
Homesickness.

It comes in the strangest of forms, in the most unexpected moments and sometimes it is unrecognisable. It is incredibly hard to explain or define and therefore, exceedingly hard to comfort, because it is so different for every person.

It can be missing a place, a person, a feeling, a situation, an atmosphere, an understanding, a culture or just a decent loaf of bread. It can be each and all of those rolled into one and then none of them at the same tiny moment. 

When you move around, you ‘miss’ things you thought you would never miss: the novelty of being cold and wearing a coat, for instance.
I could fill a whole post of things I miss, but mostly it’s just small things: having dinner with my family and laughing at the dog, wearing more than one layer at a time, taking a quick trip to the corner shop in my pyjamas and UGG boots, walking over the bridges in London in the sunshine, eating lunch with my friends in the work canteen, pub gardens…

I wouldn’t say I miss these things on a daily basis, instead it might be something ridiculous which will set off a wave of nostalgia. In those black moments, I will conveniently forget that if I were to turn the clock back, I probably would’ve been too cold, too wet or too overworked to really appreciate those things anyway. That pub garden wouldn’t be so great in the rain, wearing five layers, huddled under an umbrella…. 

At the weekend, I walked past a display of M&S’ Percy Pigs in a shopping centre in Singapore and burst into floods of tears. The Frenchman looked at me like I’d gone slightly batty (that probably wasn’t an incorrect assumption, I was crying over some sweets). I was always a take it or leave it kind of girl when it came to those sweets, so it wasn’t like I had been yearning daily for the last 6 months for M&S’ delicious, sweet, fruity, chewy, wonderfully moreish concoction… (ahem, where was I?). Rather, it was just that the sight of something so familiar, so comforting, so completely and utterly British, filled me with an enormous longing. 
Except for once, it actually wasn’t ruled by my stomach (though of course, we bought the sweets).

And that’s how it goes: just a song, a smell, a phrase, a photo…… in one brief moment, something utterly trivial can overwhelm you with a sadness that you can’t quite define. That split second can comprise a hopeless desire to be in more familiar surroundings, utter desperation in missing loved ones, guilt at being so far away and also an immense gratitude that your life has taken you to where you are now.

The French don’t say ‘I miss you’, they say ‘you are missing from me’ and I think that’s a better way to explain it. To me, homesickness has a physical feeling: it's just below my sternum, a pulling sensation in my chest, almost like my body likes me to imagine what I'm missing as a physical hole inside. Seeing those little pink sweets opened up a little chasm inside and I just simply wanted to go ‘home’.

Though that in itself poses a problem: my family, my older friends, they are in the UK.  My husband, my work, my flat, my new friends: they are in Singapore. So how do I define where ‘home’ is now?

Quite simply, ‘home’ is now scattered all over the world. 

I like to think of life as a jigsaw puzzle, except it’s not one of those where you will always have the corners, be able to find all the straight edges and patiently slot in all the remaining pieces to form a perfect, pretty picture. 

As my life changes, so does the puzzle: I discover new places, new experiences, new friends, new atmospheres, new foods, new ways of life and with them I find new pieces to add to my jigsaw. Unfortunately, at the same time, the price of having these new pieces means some of my original pieces are taken away and I miss them dearly.  However, if I were to go back to retrieve the older pieces, I would lose the new pieces and I would miss those too. Sometimes it feels unfair, but then I realise I can’t have my cake and eat it. My life is wonderful.

Those missing pieces are holes that unfortunately can't be 'plugged' with new experiences: the new pieces, like the old ones, are all unique. You can't and shouldn't try to replace what you miss with something new. Instead, you keep expanding your horizons for new things to enjoy, but you never forget what was left behind.
You can't replace the bond of a parent and child, so why would you try? Your childhood home will have memories you can’t recreate elsewhere, what makes people think that an exotic beach is better or equal to that? The enjoyment you get from one is completely different to the other. New friends don't replace old ones, they have their own blessings- you make new memories with them that old friends wouldn't understand. Just like your new friends will never understand those ridiculous in-jokes you have with someone you’ve known for the past 15 years.

Maybe if you are lucky, your jigsaw puzzle pieces will stay as a perfect picture. However, equally, perhaps my puzzle was never meant to be complete and perfect? Instead I like to think of it as an impossipuzzle. As I go through life it gradually gets bigger and bigger, all jaggedy and raggedy edges, abstract, messy and wonderful all at the same time. I hope that by the time I'm finished, my jigsaw puzzle isn't a small neat rectangle, but that it's one heck of a massive creation. Maybe it'll be a big ol' spider spanning the globe. Hell, maybe it'll be a dinosaur. With lots of holes, like a Swiss cheese.

If I was to move back to the UK, I know that there are friends and elements of my daily life here that I would seriously miss. The longer I spend here, the stronger those bonds to my life here grow. If we move from Singapore to somewhere new altogether, I will be ‘homesick’ for people and places all across the world.

And how truly lucky I will be to be so.

When something takes my breath away and I’m hit with that overwhelming desire to be ‘home’, I remind myself of how fortunate I am to have people and places that I miss that much: the amazing people I have known and know now; the things I have done, I am doing, and will do. Every new place, person and experience expands my puzzle a bit more, but you never forget those you left behind, in fact being away just means you appreciate those people more.

No matter how homesick I feel in those moments, I know I wouldn’t change our life for anything.

So why play it safe with your jigsaw puzzle? If you never to take a leap into the unknown, you will never discover how both equally wonderful and soul destroying it is to be homesick.

Worst comes to worst, you can always take a trip back ‘home’: just bring a big coat, an umbrella and an empty suitcase for all those Percy Pigs :-) 



 

Friday 7 March 2014

10 things I never did before moving to Asia

1. Used a rice cooker. 
Why the hell do we not use these in Europe? 
I have seen the light. I am a convert.

2. Planned weekends on exotic beach islands.
And by 'weekends', I really mean weekends: leaving Friday night after work and returning Sunday night. 

I could pop over to an exotic island for a day spa and be back for tea. But I can't come back at Christmas, it's too expensive... honest!

3. Given serious consideration as to whether sports gear is acceptable daytime attire for women.
I had to understand the heat a bit better to work out why a lot of expat women do this. 
However, I'd like to point out that I only considered it: I still didn't approve or change my mind. Don't do it.

4. Perspired quite so much on a daily basis (we're talking daily exercise coupled with walking everywhere) but not lost any weight. 
I think I've reached a strange equilibrium with my body - I must be doing just enough sport to work off the sheer amount of food/alcohol I am ingesting.

I'm writing this whilst eating a 'sushi burrito'... it's basically a California roll, but the size of a burrito. It's for greedy people.

5. Seen or eaten said 'sushi burrito'
'nuff said. :-)
 
6. Had a conversation about whether a live-in helper would be justifiable just for a dog or whether you'd need to have kids to really make it worthwhile. 
The question of whether it would be financially viable doesn't seem to come in to it over here. It's weird NOT to have a helper or cleaner. 

7. Gone out drinking three nights in a row before a race.
I thought London was bad for drinking. Imagine London in the summer... (yes I know it's not that easy, but try!)... now imagine if that 'It's-so-sunny-we-must-have-drinks-whilst-it's-sunny' feeling lasted all year round... 
Add in the obligatory 'you-must-say-yes-to-everything' stage we are in as new expats... 
And basically my liver isn't my biggest fan right now.

8. Realised I was actually born a giant.
I'd like to point out I'm 5'8'', with size 4 feet... I'm not exactly Brigitte Nielson.
On the plus side, I can see whether people have bald spots and/or dandruff and spot my husband easily from across the room. This comes in handy when locals are chatting him up... 'Hi, I'm his wife... what's that on your head?'

9. Drank iced coffee. 
After the rice cooker, this might be the best invention ever. It has actually replaced my addiction to diet coke. I didn't think that was possible. 
Emma, please forgive me.

10. Kept a paper diary, in a vain attempt to stay organised.
And still managed to double book myself.... apparently the trick is to read the damn thing. Oh, and apparently writing things in it is even more helpful.

And what are the top things that the Frenchman has experienced that are different?

1. Dressed according to what clothes will show sweat the least.
2. Dressed according to what clothes will show sweat the least.
3.Dressed according to what clothes will show sweat the least.
4. Dressed according to what clothes will show sweat the least.
5. Dressed according to what clothes will show sweat the least.
6.Dressed according to what clothes will show sweat the least.
7. Dressed according to what clothes will show sweat the least.
8. Dressed according to what clothes will show sweat the least.
9. Dressed according to what clothes will show sweat the least.
10. Dressed according to what clothes will show sweat the least.

It's such a hard life, this culture-shock malarky ;-)

N

Wednesday 26 February 2014

The Daily Schedule

They say that money can't buy you happiness…

However, in Singapore it can keep you occupied in buying a shed load of cheap [shoes/food/sports attire - insert vice depending on day/mood] and for the Rondy's that's nearly the same thing right?! This could be dangerous…..

The Frenchman started work on Monday, which means I have officially been an unemployed expat wife for a whole….. 3 days now.   The original plan was for me to spend the few weeks until I start working finding our new apartment, kitting out said apartment and sorting out all the necessary admin things that we need to do with moving countries etc. etc. whilst the Frenchman concentrated on work.

However, the efficiency of life in Singapore (and how quickly we seem to be settling in to living here as a result), has surprised even me:

  • We visited a local bank and left just an hour later with two individual accounts, a joint account, debit cards, a chequebook and a credit card application in train with nothing more than a passport and an employment pass. (However, I'm still waiting for [very well known international bank] to sort out my international account here due to lack of documentation, yet I've been a customer there for 8 years. Go figure.)
  • We found an apartment on our second day. 3bedrooms,a balcony and a massive pool. I imagine this is the point you all start looking at the price of flights to make a cheeky visit to Chez Rondy, Asia branch... go on ;-)
  • We're already regulars at our local hawker centre (yes, for about £2.00 a head, even I don't feel like cooking every night!) and we're working our way through the various stalls, generally without much of a clue yet as to what each new thing is. Ordering and wondering what you will actually end up eating is great fun. Though perhaps this game is not so good for the waistline….
  • The Frenchman has found his cycling club for crazy bike people as well as a triathlon training facility and I've found a lovely flat, off-road coastal track where I can cycle for 50km+, traffic free, avoiding the need to join said crazy bike club….Though if anyone asks I didn't say that, just in case I turn round in a few months and am 'convinced' (read: coerced) to join! 
  • We've discovered entire shopping malls dedicated entirely to sports stuff - the Frenchman is in pure heaven (I've recognised that look as the same as when I walk into shoe shops). On second thoughts, perhaps we should've signed up for an even bigger flat...
  • I've found a 50m swimming pool which charges 50p per entry, is outside and has WARM water (despite not being heated).  As it's one activity I can do without sweating too much, I'm learning to overcome my aversion to water...
  • Despite the fact I haven't yet set up a local phone, nearly all the coffee shops and shopping centres have free wifi! Which means I'm never feeling too cut off from all you lovely people and everything else we've got going on. However it does mean I'm unintentionally taking on too much caffeine and seem to be typing this with slight shakes…
  • I've found my local nail salon which charges the same as my local vietnamese place at home (£10 and am currently loving my barbie nails. Perhaps I am more suited to this expat wife stuff than I thought?

So, as we seem to be running out of 'urgent' things that 'NEED' doing sooner than expected (and as it's going to be a few weeks until I condo, so I can't just lie and sunbathe all day - most probably a good thing?) I had a massive panic about what useful stuff I was going to fill my time with (I shall pre-empt this one: Yes, ask me if I feel the same way in a few weeks when I'm due to go back to work, I'm sure I won't have the same attitude!)
Therefore, in order to avoid having nothing to do and/or going shopping all day (thereby causing too much damage to my husband's bank account, our future storage space and/or my waist line), I decided to create a 'Daily Schedule' to keep myself as occupied as possible...

I might have gone a little bit mental and joined a gazillion expat wives/sports groups to make some new friends and have signed myself up for all sorts of things: from breakfasts and drinks meet ups to cooking classes, museum visits and sports groups - I even tried my first hatha yoga class yesterday.  Safe to say, I was sweating almost as much as bikram in London….

In addition to trying to fill my days meeting people and exploring Singapore, thanks to the Frenchman, the 'Daily Schedule' also includes daily training for the (it's only a SUPER sprint, so don't anyone get too excited now) triathlon that he has signed me up for in April. As an added incentive (simply alleviating boredom might not be enough after the initial couple of weeks have worn off, let's be honest), we've agreed special Nicole-appropriate mini-targets:  for every [x]kms swum, cycled and run, I am permitted to buy a new pair of shoes.  

So all in all, so far so good. Singapore, its people, food and shopping are treating us well so far and the 'Daily Schedule' is filling out (and, more importantly, being adhered too!).

But then if the daily training starts to get too tiring and new shoes still keep appearing...?

Well, realistically, the Frenchman's at work all day... so it's his expat wife's word against his ;-)



Thursday 30 January 2014

"Marry the boy who travels and you will make the whole world your home"

I won’t lie, I think the Frenchman and I have had a pretty good go at seeing the world so far… we worked out that, between the two of us, we’ve travelled to over 50 countries and lived in at least 30 different houses/flats across 6 of them.  

Basically, we ain’t strangers to aeroplanes and moving boxes y’all.

I read an article recently which included the line "Marry the boy who travels and together you will make the whole world your home” and I couldn't agree with it more.  

As much as my inner lawyer likes structure, hates change and would LOVE to stay in one place, let's be frank, we were never going to settle down into married London life and never move. We're from different countries, different backgrounds and the Frenchman currently spends half of his life at over 10,000ft… when you do the math it adds up: it wasn't going to be long before there was a new adventure on the cards.

So the Frenchman and I just got back from a one-week trip to Singapore to get a feel for our new ‘home’ on a whole new continent, with a new culture (actually many new cultures!) and an 8 hour time difference from where we are now.
Yup, your thinking is correct:  I too am pretty sure these ‘look-see’ trips are supposed to be planned BEFORE you sign the contract to move, not three weeks before you go for good...

But what the hell, we were leaping before looking this time….. and what’s the worst that can happen?! Taking a look at the (most vitally important!) lessons I've learnt from our one week tripin my opinion, not much at all...

Chocolate

1. I forgot how bad imported chocolate tastes (the preservatives added to protect it from the heat make it taste like bad American 'chocolate'). I now vividly recall why our family used to bring us suitcases full when we lived in South Africa.

2. I then discovered Royce chocolate (delicious Japanese choccies) and quickly got over no.1. Problem solved.

3. No.2 does not mean visitors to Chez Rondy will not be obligated to bring a suitcase full of chocolate to help solve no.1, on each visit.

Hair

4. Due to the shortage of Asian ‘fros, I may be planning my trips home around my hairdresser’s availability in London.

5. Due to the humidity and no.4, I’m going to have bad hair ‘years’, not days.

6. Luckily due to the nature of the ‘fro, most people in Singapore probably won’t even notice the difference of no.5. Problem solved.

Shoes

7. I have a serious shoe addiction. Admittedly, this has not really been learnt from a week in Singapore, rather from the frustrations of trying to pack all the shoes I want to take with me for the 4-6 weeks until our container arrives and still stay within our luggage allowance.
8. Singapore has enough shoe shops to even cope with no.7. Problem solved.

9. Even better, Singaporean women seem to love shoes as much as me.  Pretty shoes are one of the (very few) things that appear to be quite cheap in Singapore. Hell, I could buy a different pair for every day of the year.

10. I have taken no. 9 as a personal challenge. We are going to have a 3 bedroom apartment after all….

Food

11. Supermarkets selling western food are a complete rip off. You (yes, Cold Storage I’m looking at you) can get lost charging me £8 for a box of cereal.

12. The Mustafa Centre in Little India makes trips to no. 11 unnecessary in all but emergencies.  It stocks everything you could ever think of, plus MILLIONS of types of more MUCH more exciting stuff.  It is my new favourite place. Problem solved.

13. My second personal challenge is to see if I can work out why I might need about 100 different types of rice (to be found in no.12) in the time I’m in Singapore.

Flat

14. We’re most definitely going to have a swimming pool. This is super cool.

15. I don’t like swimming, but I get to lie by no.14.  Still cool.

16. I’ve already been signed up for two 10kms and two triathlons by the Frenchman.  Which means I need to learn to swim properly. Which means I have to get over no.15. Not so cool.  Damn you Singapore and your sport-friendly life.

Clothes

17. Singaporean women are tiny. I will need to lose a serious amount of weight and/or whittle away my hips/ass somehow if I’m to fit into any non-western brands. 

18. As much as I want to assimilate into the culture here, I draw the line at wearing a size 3 times higher than normal due to no.17 (yes, for any men reading this, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I’m a girl and it’s a girl thing, leave us to it).

19. Do I actually give a sh*t about no. 17 or no.18? I’ll be living in vest top and shorts outside of work (see no.23 below). WAHOO!! Problem solved.

Travel

20. Singapore is an amazing base to travel from. We haven’t moved yet, but already we have trips booked to Abu Dhabi, Indonesia and Hong Kong in the diary in the first month and a half. 

21. Maybe I should actually have given some more thought to just being an expat wife rather than working, in order to maximise the potential of no. 20.

22. However, that may mean I would have to give up No.7. or maybe take up tennis. On second thoughts, forget 21. Problem solved.


Weather

23. Singapore has 4 seasons too: hot, hotter, rainy, rainier.

24. No. 23 means you can leave the flat at 5.30am in just a vest and shorts to go running, cycling, boot camp, yoga, swimming (etc. etc. you get the picture) rather than being dressed up like a slightly chubby ninja in layers of black lycra. This is, unsurprisingly, wonderfully refreshing. Even if the actual exercise itself isn’t quite so refreshing.

25. Sleeping without aircon or a fan is not so refreshing either. 

26. No. 25 means we have to pay more in electricity.  

27. Funnily enough, I think we’ll live with no.26. Problem solved.


SO….The main lesson learnt? 

I'm so happy I married the boy who travels.  

This is throwing me out of my comfort zone and forcing me to try something I never would have had the guts to do by myself. It may be a bit weird to begin with as we find our feet, but for every new challenge we come across in settling into our new ‘home’, there will be a new adventure to be found, a new exciting way of doing things to be learnt and hell, probably a new pair of shoes to be bought.

For everything else? There’s M*stercard. 


And we can’t wait. 
If only because it’s so friggin cold here I can’t feel my fingers properly as I'm typing this…. 

Monday 6 January 2014

Pre-expat Panic and Kingy Cake

Time to dust off the ol' blog ready for our travels…

------------------------------------------------

A pre-expat panic hit at exactly 3.45pm this afternoon. About 15 minutes earlier I realised the following: (1) it was the 6th January; (2) I hadn’t made a galette des rois this year (traditional French pastry cake filled with frangipane, eaten on twelfth night); (3) I was kidding myself if I thought could be bothered to go to the shops to buy puff pastry just for that; because (4) I wasn’t sodding making puff pastry myself; and (5) there’s always next year to make it, he’s eaten enough over Christmas!

**Tum tum tee tum…. 15 minutes later…**

AAARGH. But what if I can’t FIND puff pastry this time next year?!!? That means Guillaume goes at least two years without his beloved galette des rois!! I am such a bad French wife!

**Whoops… cue a rush to the shop to buy puff pastry**

There will be a galette regally awaiting the Frenchman’s return when he gets home this evening. It’s a good thing it is easy to knock together, I don’t know if guilt would have gotten to me so badly had it been something more complicated….

And… that seems to be an accurate reflection of my day-to-day life at the moment.  No, I don’t usually wage daily battles with myself that I haven’t quite yet usurped Nigella’s domestic goddess crown, but rather, each day seems to bring little realisations that, in just 6 weeks’ time, everything will change once again.

We’re off to Singapore on February 18th and, whilst I’m sure I’ll be able to dig out my baking ingredients somewhere (panic not, Nigella!), I just can’t imagine that in a few weeks we’ll be living in another country so far away from our daily life in London.  The reality of it just hasn’t sunk in yet.  We’re still living in our lovely (albeit, bike-filled) flat and most of the moving malarkey can’t be done till the last minute. So everything seems completely normal, no indications that things are about to change, big time. 

Except for when the following happens: 

  • OH DAMMIT… what did I buy another jumper for? What am I going to use this for now?
  • Brrrrrrr, bring on Spring when I don’t have to wear quite so many layers to get on my bike… (blows on fingers to try and get feeling back)… HANG ON… in February I won’t be able to wear few enough layers, I’ll be too hot! Yey!.... I think??”
  • “Oh yey a wedding invitation!! … AH CRAP I’m guessing they won’t rearrange their wedding for when we’re coming back to visit?”
  • “We really must try this restaurant… ERROR! ERROR! DIARY SAYS NO: we’re fully booked before we leave.”
  • Mmm chocolate…nom nom nom… OH SH*T, bikini weather is not 6 months away anymore!” 
  • Look at all this alcohol, when are we ever going to drink this? Ah… LEAVING PARTY!”
  • And most stupidly… AH MERDE, as if I just renewed my phone contract for another 24 months…!

Just when we thought we would be free of spreadsheets and project planning for, oh I dunno, at least another few years (following the wedding I thought I might have a nervous breakdown if I ever saw another (very useful) spreadsheet that my (wonderful) husband had created), we’re back to lists, lists and more lists… moving formalities, people we need to inform, notices we need to send, stuff we need to clear out, stuff we need to buy to take with us, leaving party arrangements…. Safe to say I’ve chosen to work on the ‘fun’ things listed so far: find party venue for leaving drinks, restart blog, get an international driving licence…. Teehee. 

And obviously, most importantly, we’re very focussed on trying to see everyone we know and do everything we want to do ‘for the last time’ before we leave!  Yes, we may have only had about one free weekend since we got back from honeymoon, but it has been a brilliant excuse for eating and drinking FAR too much (see above comment re chocolate) in the post-wedding, post-honeymoon, pre-Christmas, Christmas, post-Christmas, New Year, post-New-Year-when-everyone-else-is-trying-to-be-good-periods….. You get the picture. 

SO January 2014 sees us trying to make it sink in that we’re moving in 6 weeks by re-attacking our moving to-do list, taking a reccie trip to Singapore (which will no doubt only add to the to-do list when we return!) and trying not to gloat too outrageously when we start discussing (read: complaining) about the AWFUL weather here in England at the moment… and then realising eternal summer is coming in a few weeks’ time :-) 

Bring on the warm rain!!